Occupational Health and Safety

Tonight’s menu:

Entrée
Biohazard Soup
Gently roasted lab gowns
pureed with a drizzling of untested
safety shower water.

Main
Chlorhexidine Nachos
Three-day-old corn chips remaindered from local
morning teas, garnished with pureed
refried beans, microshield wash and
our own Siezer salad dressing.

Immunity Salad
Have a flu shot in this tantalising
array of edible vaccine kits, sautéed and
served with a selection of pre-loved syringes
(needles extra).

Plastic chips
For the kiddies or the young at heart, smashed
safety glasses deep-fried and dusted with
our own concoction of seasonings taken from
expired media (MacConkey’s powder a favourite).

Dessert
PPE
A delightful parfait made on site
from recycled assay kits and
ground latex gloves (Nitrile
parfait available on request).

The Desperate Food Thieves Catering Company Pty. Ltd.
“Where your food is really ours”.

Patrons are advised that the Occupational Health and Safety Act and its associated regulation prohibit the ingestion of the items on the above menu and, by inference, the theft of other patrons’ food. Instead perhaps, patrons could consider our alternative menu offered for this week only:

Odiferous Goulash
A delightful stew of ham off the bone and
impounded cabbage, with six cloves of garlic
guaranteed in each bowl, and a chaser of
Rifampicin Rum (a house speciality).

Patrons are further advised that their social lives will be somewhat impacted due to their resultant aroma from the goulash, but that the rifampicin should ward off any secondary infections short of the Ebola virus and/or any of its viral friends. Patrons are also advised that drinking on duty may result in a counselling session with our chef (who bathes nightly in the wonderous goulash to contribute to its stock).